friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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