Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
