i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
