my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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