I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
