I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
