covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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