The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
