Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
