I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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