anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
