I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
