so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
