Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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