Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
