I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
