Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
