Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
