True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
