to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
