how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
