Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your tits are I can't wait for
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
