Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize