Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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