When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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