the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
