I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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