Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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