billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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