Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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