i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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