Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
