Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
