So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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