u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
