I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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