i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
