I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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