I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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