Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
