Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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