Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
