grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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