I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
