I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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