she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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