this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
