my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
