You're completely useless in the revolution.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
