no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
