he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
