fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
