matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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