i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
