i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
