I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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