HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
